Out Of Time

Last week, it finally hit me. I had a meltdown. Then, I remembered Ter Ter’s words that she often used with me, “Think about why you’re crying. Is it worth it? Is he worth the tears?” and suddenly, just like that, I stopped.

I thought I was not ready. After all, it was FIVE years, but I said, “FUCK IT”, hit up a fuck buddy and it was a go.

Side Note: My ex and I were not intimate, in the slightest, for the past year.

I thought I would feel guilty or ashamed or sad or regret, but I did NOT feel ANY of that.

I FELT A BAJILLION TIMES BETTER.

I felt like a woman. I felt wanted. I felt desired. I felt sexy. I felt appreciated. I felt lusted after. I felt a rush. I felt beautiful. I felt giddy. I felt excited. I felt relief. I felt a thrill. I felt amazing.

I AM COMPLETELY OVER YOU.

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